The Eye Doctor

Five Plus Five

Teacher: What is 5 plus 4?
Mr. Bean: 9

Teacher: What is 4 plus 5?
Mr. Bean: Are you trying to fool me, you've just twisted the figure, the answer is 6!!

Moral Values

The teacher gave an assignment to her fifth grade class :
Get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it.

The next day, the kids came back and, one by one, began to tell their stories.

There were all the regular types of stuff: spilled milk and pennies saved.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left.
"Janie, do you have a story to share?'

''Yes ma'am. My daddy told me a story about my Mommy. She was a Marine pilot in Desert Storm, and her plane got hit. She had to bail out over enemy territory, and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol, and a survival knife. She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn't break, and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.

She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke, and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.

''Good Heavens,' said the horrified teacher. 'What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story?

"Stay away from Mommy when she's drunk."

Weight Loss Plan

A man calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program. The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck. She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me." Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised. He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning and beautiful woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me." Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape. Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program. "Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years." The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads,"If I catch you, you are mine!!!" He lost 63 pounds that week.

 (Thanks Barbie)

OBROLAN PEJABAT

Ada pejabat Indonesia berkunjung ke Amerika n bertamu ke rumah pejabat Amerika.
 Indonesia :"Rumah elo bagus banget boss!! Gaji elo kan ga segede gini, gimana lo bisa bangun rumah sebagus ini?"
Amerika :"Ikut gua ke balkon. Liat tuh jembatan (nunjuk jembatan)"
Indonesia :"Emang napa tuh jembatan boss?"
Amerika :"10% dana tuh jembatan masuk ke kantong gua boss, makanya gua bisa bangun rumah keren kayak gini."
 Sebulan kemudian gantian pejabat Amerika yg dateng ke tempat si pejabat Indonesia.
 Amerika kaget :"Gila rumah elo bagus banget padahal gaji elo kan lebih kecil dari gua"
Indonesia :"Mau tau? ikut gua ke balkon. Liat tuh bendungan!! "
Amerika bingung,:"Mana bendungannya? "
Indonesia :"Emang kaga ada, kan dana bendungannya masuk kantong gua semua,jadi kaga gua bangun".

Bawahan sedikit

3 orang profesor dari AS, Jerman dan Indonesia mengadakan conference teknologi di Bali, mereka menceritakan hasil penelitian terbaru mereka.
 AS : Di negara saya pesawat terbang udah dapat mencapai ketinggian sama dengan matahari.
Jerman + indo : Ah...masaa...??? AS : Hee...he..dibawah-bawah itu sedikit...
Jerman + Indo : Oooo...gitu....mmmm Jerman :
Di negara saya mobil udah bisa lari dengan kecepatan 100 km/mnt
AS+ Indo : Hahh..masa'....iya...???
 Jerman : Hee...dibawah-bawah itu sedikit...
AS + Indo : Ooo..hmmm...iya... ya
 Indonesia: Di Indonesia seorang wanita dapat melahirkan dari lubang pusarnya...
AS + Jerman : Hahh...gile...yang benar....!!!
Indonesia: emmm...dibawah-bawah itu sedikit....

Obsesi Penyanyi

Seorang dokter kaget ketika masuk halaman belakang sebuah rumah sakit jiwa , karena dia mendengar ada orang bernyanyi. Setelah dia cari ternyata suara seorang pasien rumah sakit jiwa tersebut. Cuma anehnya, si pasien menyanyikannya dengan tidur telentang. Dengan heran sang dokter terus mengamati pasien tersebut. Dia berpikir, sepertinya si pasien sudah sembuh. Lebih kaget lagi, kemudian pasien tersebut tengkurap dan menyanyikan lagu yang lain.
 Karena penasaran, dokter menghampiri sang pasien dan bertanya, "Hai, mengapa kamu tadi menyanyi dengan tidur telentang dan sekarang tengkurap?"
 Dengan kalem si pasien menjawab, "Ya Dok, karena tadi side A , sekarang side B."